Now, one may be thinking, "what in the world is a QLC, anyway?" A QLC is the time around one's quarter of a century birthday when you begin to realize that everything you thought you would have or be at the age of 25 has never happened. You are nowhere even close to where 5-year old you, 10-year-old you, or even 15- or 20-year-old you thought you would be. By all accounts, you are feeling as though you have failed. And it is upon this realization that the anxiety starts. "Holy shit. I am 25. I am still single. I do not own a home. I live paycheck to paycheck. I am not driving a BMW, nor can I even afford to buy a new car. All of my friends are engaged, married, or parents and I am just here. Just sitting here in the middle of Indy. Waiting. Working my ass off to barely be able to support myself and just waiting around for someone to marry me. Frick. This is NOT what I thought I would be doing at 25...."
"But, Dani, you are being ridiculous. You are doing well for yourself. Why are you freaking out? And why do you care if you're single or not?" Sigh. First off, those who say this are probably married or at least in a steady relationship. Dating nowadays is rough, especially in the midwest when everyone is married off by the age of 12. Secondly, why am I panicking? It's a symptom of my QLC. I have a legit medical condition brought on by years of aspiring to be somewhere that I am still not. Look it up, it's legit.
In kindergarten they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of my peers said normal things: a firefighter, a doctor, my dad, a superhero, etc. Not me. No. Right next to my name, as artifact in my baby book, it says, "Dani Archambo: I want to be a mommy with 16 babies." Sixteen. Theoretically, if there were ever any chance of this dream becoming a reality, I am WAY behind schedule. Why is this important? This is important because I truly believe some things never change. I have always wanted to take care of people (I knew this even at a young age) and the ultimate form of taking care of someone comes with being a parent. Now, let me clear the air, and save my dating life (or lack thereof?), by saying I DO NOT WANT TO BE A MOM RIGHT NOW. No way, no how. I am not ready for that. I can't even keep a cactus alive, which means I am less nurturing than a desert. Not really a quality one would desire in a future caretaker. What I mean by this is that I always thought I would at least be starting to "settle down" by now. It is this misconception that leads to my QLC.
In the midwest is it expected that you settle down in your mid-twenties and start to create a wholesome family. The reality of this is that higher education pushes back this "expectation" making it almost impossible to get the degree and job you want while trying to start a family. To make matters worse, we also have the internet. As though one were not fully aware of their place in life, sites like facebook and twitter are constantly there to remind us that others are actually succeeding in the things we wish we were. I cannot even begin to explain how many engagement photos, baby pump pics, and wedding videos pop up on my facebook newsfeed almost hourly. So much so that the side ads on my facebook are all about diapers, moms groups, and christianmingle.com. Thank you facebook for continually reminding me that, in comparison to my peers, I am "behind schedule". Don't get me wrong, I am extremely excited for all of my friends and their new life adventures, but I am also beginning to feel like I am being picked last for dodgeball in gym class.
As represented in the graph below, the QLC comes into play when our expectations do not match our current reality. When this happens, one may show symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger towards anyone with a spouse and/or fetus in their uterus. Although common with QLC, these are extremely unattractive qualities to hold onto for any long period of time. They also inhibit growth and happiness. Is there a cure for QLC? Yes. Simply take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that you're pretty freakin' awesome right now in the present. Plus, who would want 16 babies anyway...
 |
| The green patch represents the QLC, which is the difference between where you are and where you thought you would be. Yes, I did create my own graph for this.. |
I remember going through all of this when I turned 25...and now almost 3 years later not much is different. Married, baby on the way (not even trying for 16...) own a home, still can't afford a new/used car though and I'm living check-to-check. I would even say that when asked as a child "what do you want to be when you grow-up" I would always say "successful and happy." I have definitely missed the mark on half of that goal...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I just discovered your blog and look forward to reading all of your pleasant and amusing updates!!
Thanks for reading! And congrats on the bun in the oven! =)
Delete