The Creep Factor

While perusing the cafeteria this morning, prior to my shift, I came in contact with one of the creepiest people in the entire hospital. We call him "PTG" or "Fresh Garden Cucumber" and he had/still has an epic crush on one of my besties, who used to work with me. What makes him so creepy? Honestly, I have no idea. He just is. He has this almost palpable "ick" factor to him and I always try to avoid him, and his ridiculously well-pronounced package, at all costs. Regardless, his presence today made me ponder the idea of the "creep factor." 

After having my advances rejected over the weekend (whomp, whomp..), I couldn't help but wonder if I may put out a slight (or greater than slight?) creep vibe. I try hard not to over-talk, over-text, or hit on racy topics when meeting new people (I fail at this, almost always..), however, I am notorious for finding myself in the presence of some of the most awkward people and situations known to man. Which makes me wonder.. is it me? Am I the creeper to blame? While reviewing a mental play-by-play of the events that conspired over this past weekend, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, holy shit, I am a HUGE creeper. 

In the spirit of the NCAA tournament, I would like to review my foul plays, which, more than likely, led to the loss of the game. (Ok, there never was a game, but roll with me here..)

Foul #1: Initiation of the Pursuit 

Against my better (and much less creepy) judgement, I broke my first cardinal rule of dating, thou shalt not pursue, and, after a few glasses of wine, creepily added my future victim as a facebook friend. I explain to myself that this is totally a good idea because we have mutual friends, so it's less weird. (It's not less weird. And no one should ever make facebook decisions under the influence of moscato.) 

Foul #2: Insertion of Phone Number 

I decide that said victim needs to have my number, you know, just in case he forgot to ask for it.. so I delicately insert it into a well thought out facebook message. (Oh, yes. At 25 years of age I am so sly and super mature.. I can totally see this working out for me... Do you like me? Check yes or no...)

Foul #3: Being a Sports Fan

I have come to the conclusion that being a fan of sports or being an outdoorsy person makes you appear less feminine, and therefore, less desirable as a mate. (Note to self: twirl hair in finger more and watch basketball less...)

Foul #4: Confession of Crush

Hello, My name is Dani and I am super awful at playing hard to get. I am a straight-shooter and have no shame in telling you all about how I thought you were cute at work and how my co-worker cock-blocked me... yadda, yadda. Super awesome. Don't trust me with your secrets, because clearly, I suck at keeping my own.

Ah yes, if I wasn't creepy before.... now there is probably a restraining order in the works..

History tells me that nothing good will ever come from trying to force or control something that probably never would have happened without your assistance. Aside from the dent in my pride from throwing myself out there, I like to think that I did not fair too badly this time. I mean, the last time I broke my "thou shalt not pursue" rule and pursued someone who was never into me, I woke up next to a husky bearded carpenter who, upon meeting my family, honest-to-god, thought that my brother was retarded. (Which was actually pretty damn funny...)

Fairly certain this is what I look like when I attempt to "flirt"... I would be terrified, too, blonde boy..