Well, it's December. Life is still rolling along and I am still sitting in Montana, isolated from socialization, and counting down the days until my contract is up. (41.) I have enjoyed this new experience, but I can safely say that I never want to live in Montana again. I am sure it is a lovely place for most, but I am a warm-weather girl and also a lover of larger cities. But hey, I can now say I have experienced living out west and can check "go to a rodeo" off of my "to do" list. So there's that. My job is ok and the people are nice, but this place really makes me miss my old hospital. I miss the high acuity, the largeness of it, and being well-known and trusted. It sucks to come into a new place and automatically be judged and treated like you're a novice because you look like you're 12. Don't get me wrong, I am still a newer nurse and do have a lot to learn, but I miss being the person people went to for help and I miss knowing where to go for things and how things are done. But that's travel nursing, I suppose.
Aside from that, my life out here is very similar to that of an 80-year-old widowed woman. I go to bed early, only leave my place for groceries, eat at Cracker Barrel alone, and spend my down time sewing everything from stockings to place mats as gifts for other people. There are not many people my age around here and everything "to do" is about a 2-3 hour drive away. I am an adventurous person, but I
also have no desire to drive 3 hours to go skiing alone. (Or to go skiing at all, really. Not a snow person.) So here I sit in complete solitude, with only my fish, Bubby, for company. This has become my life lately.
I still cannot believe that it has been almost a year since I started this blog. 2012 sucked. I am so sorry you had to suffer through my ramblings about this year. I am hoping 2013 will be much better in all aspects of my life. I have no shame in saying that, for the majority of 2012, I was probably on the brink of psychosis. I oogled over men who wanted nothing to do with me, treated those who did poorly, got myself into awful situations, and even became the center of nasty rumors started by a middle-aged hussy who had nothing better to do with her time. I spent my whole summer studying for a program that I did not get into (currently planning to apply to more places), did not get a raise because I left my computer open (dumb.), and throughout it all, still worked my ass off for very little pay-off. (Insert the world's smallest violin here.) But I suppose that is all behind me now. I have had nearly 2 months of pure isolation to wind down, ponder my life choices, and re-evaluate my plans for myself. My conclusion? I have no plan. I have no idea what I am doing or what I should be doing. I am basically flying by the seat of my pants and not having a solid plan makes me
extremely uncomfortable. That being said, I am trying to use this as an opportunity to let go and let the universe take me where I am supposed to go. This is very hard for me, but I am willing to give it a shot. When it comes down to it, I really have nothing to lose. If I decide that moving home is not the right choice for me, then I either continue travel nursing or move to Florida. That's it. No need to get all anxious over a decision that is not permanent.
Although 2012 wasn't exactly what I had expected, I did accomplish one thing: I got quite a bit of traveling in. I went to Florida, Scotland, Arizona, and Montana this year. AND I got into the Maxim party for free at the Superbowl. Not too shabby. Many people cannot say that they succeeded in their New Year's Resolution, but I did. And I am very proud of that. I still have the itch to travel, and am hoping to continue my travel streak in 2013. (I may even have a special travel companion with whom to share my adventures if things continue to go well with TC guy.) Lastly, I believe my QLC (see
Quarter-Life Crisis ) is finally coming to an end and that in itself is a beautiful thing. Even amidst all of the chaos, I think I will be starting out 2013 on a better foot. I may not have it all together yet, but at least I am in a better place to handle anything that may come my way. Bring it on 2013. You have very big shoes to fill if you have any intention of even comparing to 2012 in the battle of "Dani's worst year ever".
