Meh.

What a shitty week. I won't get into details, but I will say that my departure date cannot come quickly enough. You know that part in the movies where the plot flips and all of the sudden you realize that all of the "good characters" of the film were actually the "bad guys" all along? Well, that pretty much sums up the majority of my week. Awesome. Continue to judge and spread your cruel rumors. Shame on all of you. May no one ever treat you the way you treat others. Ps. I hope the next time you have explosive diarrhea you are trapped in a public bathroom that is completely out of toilet paper and paper towel. Love always, Dani. Xoxo.

As if what happened above wasn't rough enough, I also found out that one of my favorite patients died unexpectedly. (The one who, in a previous post, thanked me for "making him feel like a person again"..) My heart breaks for his wife and family as I cannot even imagine what they are going through. Sometimes I truly doubt that there is justice in anything. I will never understand why the good people of the world always seem to suffer while the assholes live forever. May I reiterate that it's been a shitty week.

I really try hard not to post negative things and I will probably regret posting this later, but I am angry and for some reason felt like sharing. I truly do apologize for writing such a bummer drag post. Cannot wait to have a change of scenery and get away from all of the negativity that has been surrounding me lately. Adios haters. Find someone else to gossip about.

No caption needed.

Choose Wisely. 

RN, BSN, freakin' CCRN!!! Boom!

Huzzah!! I freakin' did it. I passed the CCRN. My pale-skinned summer of studying has not been in vain. Glad I can finally start to relax in my empty apartment before I head back to Michigan and then to Scotland. Such a great feeling to finally be able to BREATHE again.

I am truly going to miss all of my close friends here in Indy, but I am also excited for the new adventures that lie ahead. Inhale. Exhale. Bring it on.

Yes. I DID use every single one of those books... And those tired eyes that you see.. you can earn yourself a pair of those by studying for exams for 4 months straight and sleeping on an air-mattress since the only things left in your apartment are a fork, spoon, cup, and computer... 

It's Official. Au Revoir Indy!

Everything I mentioned in my last post is now official. My new lease is cancelled, my last day of work is September 1st and now I am trying to get all of my loose ends tied up in Indy before my departure. As an added bonus, my mom invited me to go on a 10 day trip with her to Scotland as soon as I get home. Huzzah!! Turns out 2012 may end up being the most travelicious year after all! (see 2012: The Year of Travels. (perhaps?)) Look out world, Stella is finally getting her groove back!

Aside from my spontaneous life-changing decision to uproot myself and travel, I have no other new news. So I suppose that is all she wrote for this post..

I cannot wait to be inside you.. 

Who Says I Can't Have My Cake and Eat It, Too?

After a long couple of months of indecisions and revisions, I am finally feeling as though things are falling into place. I started off 2012 with high hopes and have felt as though I have received nothing but a cluster of confusion and chaos in return. Everything that I used to love about Indy is no longer here and I have been struggling for months to keep myself afloat with contentment. I have tried to convince myself that things will get better, but I am now beginning to realize that I am done "trying to make things work" in Indy and it is time to move on and explore new places and people. At this moment, I am seriously considering either, breaking my newly signed lease, or just using that apartment for really expensive storage while I go travel. I shall explain..

So, I showed up for Pediatric Advanced Life Support (PALS) class today, expecting to know no one, and came out with a whole new perspective on my future. First off, I know nothing about saving the lives of small people and was only taking PALS because it is a requirement for CRNA school. Secondly, I have hinted at this a bit in other posts, but I am just going to come out and say it, I am, and have been, completely miserable in Indy for quite a while now. I hate it here and I am sick of "sucking it up" and "trying to make the best of things." I have been here for 7 years and although I have had some absolutely amazing times, it is time to move on. So there you have it. Anyways, I am sitting in PALS and run into the Flotrac sales rep RN who has been frequenting our unit over the past few months. Her and I have always gotten along and we quickly began chatting about our lives, the ICU that I work on, etc.. when she mentioned that she used to do travel nursing. Immediately, I asked her how she liked it and which company she went through. She had nothing but positive things to say about the experience and had even traveled through the company with which I applied when I first considered being a traveler. "Why wouldn't you just leave and travel now?" She inquired. "Well, I just signed a lease.." "Could you break your lease? The good thing about travel nursing is if you decide you want to leave in 2 weeks, they can find you a job." And then my mind began to wonder...

I am supposed to move in on the 20th, which I am beginning to think may not be a great idea. If I travel, I really don't know if I want to be paying such a large amount of rent for an "upgraded" apartment that will only be used to store my things. Technically, I do not have to be out of my current apartment until August 31st, which if I were to put in my 2 weeks notice next week, would allow me to stay here long enough to take my CCRN exam and promptly move my stuff back to my Michigan home before departing on a travel adventure. If I break my lease, I think I only lose out on about $200 or so, which is much less than I would lose out on by using it for storage. I haven't made any solid decisions yet, but travel nursing would be a GREAT way to save money to pay for my future CRNA degree. The more I think about it, the happier I become. I am seriously shaking, I am so excited!! I love spontaneous life-changing decisions! My decision to become a nurse happened in much the same way: changed my mind one day, changed my major, and never looked back.. I will keep you posted, but I am fairly certain I know what I need to do..

Application In. Only CCRN to Go.

Turned in my CRNA school application today. It feels good to have that completed, but is also a bit terrifying. I can't help but hope that everything was spelled correctly in my essay and resume and that everything is up to their standards. I suppose none of that matters now since it is out of my hands and into the inbox of the decision-makers, but that doesn't stop my mind from worrying. Now all I have left to do is pass my CCRN certification before I can safely breathe a sigh of relief and say that I have done absolutely everything possible to try to get into the University of Cincinnati CRNA program. Phew! Trying not to get overwhelmed on the home stretch, but this summer is flying by.

Aside from my application, nothing else has changed in my life. Been a bit homesick for my Michigan home lately and have also caught a cold that is draining my energy. Regardless, I need to keep plugging along and checking things off of my "to do" list. I've been trying to pack up my place, bit by bit, in preparation for my August move and am beginning to realize that, even through I threw out a lot of things before moving here 2 years ago, I still own a bunch of crap. It's amazing how many things one person can accumulate. I see many trips to Goodwill in my future..

In other news, yesterday I received the best compliment from a patient's family member in the form of a thank you card. "You made him feel like a person again." It was nice to hear that amongst all the stress and chaos that has been my summer, I have at least done one thing right. Makes me smile.

Anyways, after that choppy, random post, I am off to trivia night to try and have a bit of fun before diving back into studying again tomorrow morning. I think I can.. I think I can.. I think I can..

'Nuff said..

You Know You're Getting Old When..

After many failed attempts, I have officially come to the conclusion that I absolutely detest going to the bars for the sake of going out to the bars. There is nothing about this American past time that even remotely does anything for me. Going out with a group of friends, that's different, that is usually a blast. But going out with one or two other ladies to troll the streets for un-dateable alcoholics... not for me. Now, I can have a good time wherever I am placed, but there are times, like last night, where the effort to have a decent time isn't even worth the energy.

As Raleigh and I sat at a table outside of Kilroy's, we assessed the situation that surrounded us: hooker heels and LBDs to our right.. Ed Hardy tees and boat shoes to our left. Raleigh nervously played with the umbrella at our table, "Are we too old for this?" We sat in silence, both fully aware that it was going to be another early night.  I continued to observe the crowd, and their human mating rituals, while seriously pondering why we were even here. Back in the college days, drinking and attempting to seduce the boys of the bar used to be considered a great evening, but now, I am not even sure why I continue to use gas to put myself in these situations. I suppose we were both hoping to run into a group of people that we knew or even make friends with a few new folks, but to be honest, the bar crowd are not typically the type of people I have any desire to approach, let alone converse with. Eventually we ended up seeing some friends and had a better time, however, I think this may be my last bar outing for a while.

Every night I go out it is always the same.. you stay up late, have a drink or two, look around and realize that everyone in the bar is retarded, have another drink in hopes that your situation will start looking less grim, decide to go to another bar, realize that everyone at this bar is equally as retarded, and then head home around midnight telling yourself that "no one good" was out and next time will be better. I guess I am not sure what I even expect to get out of these late night outings since I don't really drink, am not looking to date anyone, and I don't like being surrounded by drunk people who get into your personal space as they stumble by. Although going out occupies some free time, I think I will pass on the bars and instead opt for bowling alleys, the climbing gym, and Starbucks. Although these establishments may be a mecca for underage children, at least they will allow me to have fun, get to bed at a decent hour, and not feel guilty or hungover the next morning. Wow, I really am getting old.

We couldn't fit all of the boat shoes into one picture.. but you get the idea.. 

We met this gem out last week... he promptly told us he was successful (although he couldn't come up with an answer as to what he did for a living), told us to google him, and then showed us pictures of his mom and dad.. and him with 2 out of the 4 world's largest balls of twine.. and him with the world's largest bottle of ketchup.. He definitely deserves an A for the most creative pick up strategy, ever. Props to you, Glen Bradford... I hope someday it works for you.

5 Year Life Plan

So tomorrow is Big Test Day #1 and while yesterday I was full of anxiety and freaking the f' out, today I feel a greater sense of calm. After months of relentless and fastidious math and vocabulary preparation (you see what I did just there? aw yeah, integrating GRE words into my everyday life..) it will all come down to tomorrow. (Yikes.) As stressful as it seems, when you break it down, everything is going to be ok. Best case scenario: I meet the CRNA benchmark score, breathe a sigh of relief on the drive home, then grab drinks with a few friends in celebration. Worst case scenario: I panic and cry throughout the whole exam, don't meet the required benchmarks, and I sign up to take it again. I am really, REALLY hoping for the former scenario, but we shall see. I think I will bring a box of tissues with me just in case.

In other news, I had another AMAZING trip to Michigan. Words cannot express how in love I am with my family and hometown. I have always said that there is no way in hell I would move back to Michigan, but after these past couple weeks, I think I may consider moving back to the mitten in the near future. Although I am proud of all I have been able to accomplish while riding s-o-l-o these past 7 years in Indiana, I think it may be time for me to head back to my roots where I will be surrounded by those who mean the most to me. Perhaps I shall move back to Michigan after my future graduation from CRNA school. Which brings me to my next topic: Dani's new and improved 5 Year Life Plan. (All life plans subject to change with or without the consent of Dani. Must be 18 to enter. Many will enter. Few will win. Void where prohibited.)



Dani's 5 Year Life Plan(s)


Option 1 (the preferred option):


2013- get into CRNA school and move to Cincinnati in July/August-ish.

2014-2015- rock out some intubations/sedation/spinals in school.

2016- find a job somewhere in the US, work, save up some money, and TRAVEL.

2017-2018- work as much as I need to and plan numerous trips around the world.


Option 2 (not as optimal as Option 1, but still not too shabby..)


2013- do not make the cut for school and take organic chemistry so I can apply to more CRNA schools.. then perhaps do some travel nursing to earn money for school

2014- (hopefully) get into a CRNA school somewhere and move there..

2015-2016- rock out some intubations/sedation/spinals in school..

2017- find a job somewhere in the US, work, save up some money, and TRAVEL.

2018- work as much as I need to and plan numerous trips around the world.




As you can see, the main goal of my 5 Year Plan is to travel. I have been on a few spontaneous vacations this year and with every new adventure my desire to see more, do more, explore more, etc.. becomes greater. I believe this is what they call "being bit by the travel bug". Right now life is a little hectic and my travel plans need to be put on hold. But once I am in a better-paying career my future adventures should be a bit easier to achieve, which is very exciting. Until then, I am going to continue to work my booty off to get into school so 5 years down the road I can relax and see the world. Exciting stuff to look forward to!

Future Adventure! Try not to be jealous of my mad photoshopping skills..... 

The view from my parents' deck.. I almost cried when I had to leave.. No where else I would rather be in the summer. Period.