Meh.

What a shitty week. I won't get into details, but I will say that my departure date cannot come quickly enough. You know that part in the movies where the plot flips and all of the sudden you realize that all of the "good characters" of the film were actually the "bad guys" all along? Well, that pretty much sums up the majority of my week. Awesome. Continue to judge and spread your cruel rumors. Shame on all of you. May no one ever treat you the way you treat others. Ps. I hope the next time you have explosive diarrhea you are trapped in a public bathroom that is completely out of toilet paper and paper towel. Love always, Dani. Xoxo.

As if what happened above wasn't rough enough, I also found out that one of my favorite patients died unexpectedly. (The one who, in a previous post, thanked me for "making him feel like a person again"..) My heart breaks for his wife and family as I cannot even imagine what they are going through. Sometimes I truly doubt that there is justice in anything. I will never understand why the good people of the world always seem to suffer while the assholes live forever. May I reiterate that it's been a shitty week.

I really try hard not to post negative things and I will probably regret posting this later, but I am angry and for some reason felt like sharing. I truly do apologize for writing such a bummer drag post. Cannot wait to have a change of scenery and get away from all of the negativity that has been surrounding me lately. Adios haters. Find someone else to gossip about.

No caption needed.

Choose Wisely. 

RN, BSN, freakin' CCRN!!! Boom!

Huzzah!! I freakin' did it. I passed the CCRN. My pale-skinned summer of studying has not been in vain. Glad I can finally start to relax in my empty apartment before I head back to Michigan and then to Scotland. Such a great feeling to finally be able to BREATHE again.

I am truly going to miss all of my close friends here in Indy, but I am also excited for the new adventures that lie ahead. Inhale. Exhale. Bring it on.

Yes. I DID use every single one of those books... And those tired eyes that you see.. you can earn yourself a pair of those by studying for exams for 4 months straight and sleeping on an air-mattress since the only things left in your apartment are a fork, spoon, cup, and computer... 

It's Official. Au Revoir Indy!

Everything I mentioned in my last post is now official. My new lease is cancelled, my last day of work is September 1st and now I am trying to get all of my loose ends tied up in Indy before my departure. As an added bonus, my mom invited me to go on a 10 day trip with her to Scotland as soon as I get home. Huzzah!! Turns out 2012 may end up being the most travelicious year after all! (see 2012: The Year of Travels. (perhaps?)) Look out world, Stella is finally getting her groove back!

Aside from my spontaneous life-changing decision to uproot myself and travel, I have no other new news. So I suppose that is all she wrote for this post..

I cannot wait to be inside you.. 

Who Says I Can't Have My Cake and Eat It, Too?

After a long couple of months of indecisions and revisions, I am finally feeling as though things are falling into place. I started off 2012 with high hopes and have felt as though I have received nothing but a cluster of confusion and chaos in return. Everything that I used to love about Indy is no longer here and I have been struggling for months to keep myself afloat with contentment. I have tried to convince myself that things will get better, but I am now beginning to realize that I am done "trying to make things work" in Indy and it is time to move on and explore new places and people. At this moment, I am seriously considering either, breaking my newly signed lease, or just using that apartment for really expensive storage while I go travel. I shall explain..

So, I showed up for Pediatric Advanced Life Support (PALS) class today, expecting to know no one, and came out with a whole new perspective on my future. First off, I know nothing about saving the lives of small people and was only taking PALS because it is a requirement for CRNA school. Secondly, I have hinted at this a bit in other posts, but I am just going to come out and say it, I am, and have been, completely miserable in Indy for quite a while now. I hate it here and I am sick of "sucking it up" and "trying to make the best of things." I have been here for 7 years and although I have had some absolutely amazing times, it is time to move on. So there you have it. Anyways, I am sitting in PALS and run into the Flotrac sales rep RN who has been frequenting our unit over the past few months. Her and I have always gotten along and we quickly began chatting about our lives, the ICU that I work on, etc.. when she mentioned that she used to do travel nursing. Immediately, I asked her how she liked it and which company she went through. She had nothing but positive things to say about the experience and had even traveled through the company with which I applied when I first considered being a traveler. "Why wouldn't you just leave and travel now?" She inquired. "Well, I just signed a lease.." "Could you break your lease? The good thing about travel nursing is if you decide you want to leave in 2 weeks, they can find you a job." And then my mind began to wonder...

I am supposed to move in on the 20th, which I am beginning to think may not be a great idea. If I travel, I really don't know if I want to be paying such a large amount of rent for an "upgraded" apartment that will only be used to store my things. Technically, I do not have to be out of my current apartment until August 31st, which if I were to put in my 2 weeks notice next week, would allow me to stay here long enough to take my CCRN exam and promptly move my stuff back to my Michigan home before departing on a travel adventure. If I break my lease, I think I only lose out on about $200 or so, which is much less than I would lose out on by using it for storage. I haven't made any solid decisions yet, but travel nursing would be a GREAT way to save money to pay for my future CRNA degree. The more I think about it, the happier I become. I am seriously shaking, I am so excited!! I love spontaneous life-changing decisions! My decision to become a nurse happened in much the same way: changed my mind one day, changed my major, and never looked back.. I will keep you posted, but I am fairly certain I know what I need to do..