About a month ago, one of my awesome friends invited me over for dinner and some TV time, since I don't have cable. We watched an episode of The Voice, which is similar to American Idol, and it stirred up a few of my "I used to be a music major in college" feelings. Later that night, I went home and, after a few glasses of wine, decided that I would sign up for the Chicago audition on March 3rd. I mean, what the hell? I said this was going to be my year of traveling, right? Anyways, yesterday was the big day, so I figured I would fill you in on how the audition process went... It gave me a whole new meaning to the term "cattle call".
First off, I totally forgot that Chicago was in a different time zone, so I was actually at McCormick Place about an hour earlier than I had originally anticipated. I think I walked in the building around 10:30am, Chicago time, and there were numerous people there before me who were also slotted to audition during the 2pm session. When you signed up, they had you pick an audition time (7am, 12am, 2pm, 5pm, 7pm.. something like that.) but they never really told you when to show up. So, even though I was 3.5 hours early, I guess I was on time? Having absolutely no idea what I am doing or where to go, I followed the masses into a large, unmoving line. There were a few news crews interviewing people (I declined.) and everyone was super chatty from nerves. After about an hour of standing in this line, I realized 2 very important things: 1) I REALLY should have used the bathroom before entering this long-ass line.. and 2) ah yes, I now remember EXACTLY why I hated being a voice major.
The whole building was swarming with narcissistic divas who felt the need to belt out a boisterous ballad at any time. It was almost as if their song were a warning call out in the wild saying "listen to me, bitches, you don't stand a chance!" I cannot stand obnoxious people (aka- a vast majority of voice and/or theater majors..). Regardless, of my strong distain for loud-mouthed people, if there is one thing that I can take away from this experience, it is that people-watching at a reality TV audition is the BEST people watching in the world. Hands down.
At the end of this line, they checked your IDs and your printed-off audition pass to make sure everything was legit. Unfortunately, there were a few people who did not read the instructions and, after over an hour of line-waiting, were told they could not audition and had to leave. The rest of us were ushered towards security, to make sure we weren't carrying guns, and were then placed into another line. In this line there were water stations, where you could quench your thirst, and since family had to leave your side after the security station, it was full of nothing but auditionees. The people who audition for these things are definitely interesting beings.
There were 2 dudes next to me who were in my group throughout the whole audition process. The first dude was from Iowa, made boat-trailers for a living, and was auditioning with a James Blunt song because his girlfriend signed him up after hearing him sing in the shower. He was probably in his early 40s and was wearing a plaid shirt and some levis. He was also almost too friendly and kept touching my leg to get my attention. (awkward.)
The other guy was probably in his 30s and looked like he was straight off the screen of Brokeback Mountain in his black leather jacket, black leather hat, black leather cowboy boots, and tight jeans. He was from "all over", had a 4-year-old son and a girlfriend, and was currently receiving workman's comp. after injuring his hand on a construction job. He had won 7 out of 9 karaoke competitions that he had entered and he was convinced that this audition for The Voice was going to be "his big break".
In front of us, was an annoying 20-something-year-old who had a platinum blonde circle dyed into his short brown hair. He was a scrawny guy and his nasty attempt at a mustache made me want to vomit. (I love mustaches.. but his was gross and made me ashamed of my fetish.) This guy was one of the "divas" who would randomly belt out a song for no apparent reason. He was also very surprised by the size of Lake Michigan, as he had never seen it before. (oh, the things I take for granted..)
At the end of the "water line", which lasted about an hour and a half, we were herded into a large room where we were split off into 10 different lines. It was at this time that I FINALLY got to use the restroom (yesss!). Originally, I was in line 3, but then got switched over to line 7, along with the characters described above. (These lines were very reminiscent of the "cattle" lines that Raleigh and I experienced at the Maxim party during Superbowl weekend..) At the end of the lines there were desks of people who would place an armband on your wrist. I was at the beginning of the line so I only waited about 15 minutes before I got my red armband. After your armband was in place, you were led to a large room filled with rows of chairs and you finally got to sit down.
There were around 500 anxious singers in this confined space and this is where the "divas" had their time to "shine." One singer would loudly belt out a tune and other cocky singers would feel the need to "out-sing" the original singers to try and prove to everyone that they were better. It was very similar to turkey mating season, where a male turkey will puff himself up and try and outshine the other male turkey when battling for a female's attention. These "singer duals" made me laugh on many occasions. Silly singers..
After 2 hours of socializing, laughing at nervous people (who actually thought they were going to "make it big"), and listening to numerous "diva duals", we were escorted in groups to smaller holding areas. We only sat here for a few minutes before being led, in groups of 10, to the door of the room in which we would audition. It was at this point that I started to get a little nervous. Once the prior group exited the room, the 10 of us, including "too-friendly boat-trailer guy" and "workman's comp. cowboy", entered a room with 10 chairs that faced one judge. The judge was probably in her late-twenties, was very friendly, and sat behind a desk and macbook. One by one, we each sang a portion of our prepared song. I was third from last to sing. After much internal debate as to which song I was going to sing, I decided last minute to whip out a show-tune song from RENT called "take me or leave me". I did well and after the last singer sang the judge informed us that no one from our group would be moving on. WHOMP WHOMP. I guess, I will just have to find another way to try and seduce Adam Levine! And just like that the audition was over.
Was I disappointed? Honestly, no. There were THOUSANDS of people that auditioned at this location and there will be thousands more at the other cities, so I already knew that my odds were slim to none. Plus, your whole fate is based on the opinion on ONE judge and who knows what kind of singers they are looking for. When I was an opera major, I got into every school where I auditioned, except for one, and if I really wanted to continue on with it, I probably could have done alright. But, music has always been a hobby for me and not an option for a profession. This experience made me realize that I am SOOOO happy that I chose to get out of the music business and go into nursing. I love my profession as a nurse and I have never regretted my decision to quit music and go into nursing. If anything, this experience solidified my choice and made me realize that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. My shot at The Voice was a random, fun decision, resulting from my QLC, and I am glad I got out of my comfort zone and went on this adventure.
